life always teaches you something

Well this past few months have been very hard for me spiritually, emotionally, and physically. I have lost so many things in my life right now that mattered to me that I did not think I could handle losing. I lost friends, someone I loved, a role model to my son, blessings, time, and myself. I don't think all of these things are going to be lost forever but for now they are not apart of my life. Each thing I lost I cared about deeply but I see now that I can not control everything. That sometimes letting go is the only way you can really have what you want. Also I have learned that I don't have to try to have so much control in my life. If I let God have more control then I will be happier in the end. I am sure in time all things that I have lost I will get back and even more. Those things that I do not get here in this life will be made well in the life after.

Right now for the first time in a few months I am not fighting a internal battle with myself. I feel that my life is right where it needs to be. That there are friends that I need to make and have here in Utah right now. I would love to be closer to Idaho but that is not where I am to be right now. Later maybe, maybe not. I am making many new self discoveries about myself. I am learning, growing, and becoming the person that God would have me become. I have been making some wonderful new friends. I have started to hang out with the lds widow/widowers group and they are a true blessing to me right now. I am so thankful to them and their kindness in welcoming me into their group.

The relationship that I was in for the last oh I don't 7 months or so has come to a end. Its been hard for me to let go of something that I felt was so right. To have to let go and just live my life without this person in it. He mattered so much to my son and I. I don't know if our friendship will ever be able to mend. Sometimes you just can't go back to just friends once you have been more to each other. Yet, I am so thankful to this person. Through my relationship with him I was able to learn that I can love another. It was different than what I have with Dayna but it was true love still. I learned that there is someone wonderful for me to find once more on this earth. When or who I don't know yet but I look forward to the journey to discover it.

I am thankful for my Savior. For his love and all he has done for me. I am so amazed at the love he has for me and my life. I am grateful that God blesses me and proves ways for me to stay on the path back to him. I don't know which way is up sometimes but I always know that God is there and will guide my life if I but let him. He knows the pain I carry in my heart and the mending that I need in my life. He loves me more than I can even understand. The church is true and I know it. I know where my feet stand and how firm my foundation is. I am very, very blessed in my life. Thank you God for all that I have.