Easter

Easter is my favorite holiday. :) I just love it. All the colors, eggs to dye, finding all the hidden things that are to be found are just a few of my favorite things about this holiday. This was the holiday that Dayna and I got into. He always had such a fun time hiding my basket and making me have to search FOREVER to find it. He like my parents always found the best places to hide my basket. As a child I could always find all my brothers and sisters baskets before ever being able to find my own. They knew it too. If they couldn't find theirs then they would come ask me cause I knew where all 5 of my brothers and sisters baskets were.

I also love this holiday because I love my savior. He is raised. He lives. I know this and enjoy this time to think of my Savior at this time. My Saviors love for me is so amazing. This past week has been so hard for me. Yet, I can see God's hands in my life even now. Even when I thought I don't deserve it right now they are still there guiding, directing, and helping me. He loves me so much and just wants to bless and love me. To help me return to him, proven in all that I must do. The reason for this holiday is the reason that allows for me to return to him, and to Dayna. He was raised from the dead so that I might also.

I pray you all might have a wonderful Easter holiday. I pray that your lives will be blessed with those blessings that you need. Also that you might be able to see God's hands in your lives and the blessings that he has for you all. He is real, he is there, and he is all knowing. Trust is hard but we will be blessed for trusting in God and all that he has for us and by allowing him to direct our paths. HAPPY EASTER!!!!!

WoW

The last week or so has been an experience to say in the least. I have learned that I have many things that I need to work on and grow from. That trusting in God and what he has planned for me is about one of the hardest things that is out there. I also have been learning that I make mistakes, BIG ones that affect not only me but others. I have been told I am selfish and if I give that light its true. I can be selfish. That I think about what I want or try to stop the hurt. My fear of being hurt gets me to do stupid things. I have done damage to someone's trust and I am rather a mess about it. I accept that I made the mistake but the question I have had to ask is why did I do it. Why did I not have enough moral courage to do what was right. To get myself to think about someone else other than myself has been hard and something I thought I did but I do not do it as well as I thought . Personal reflection can be a good thing but when you really look at yourself and see the things you have done or need to change. That can be very a humbling experience.

I admit I am scared. I am scared of being hurt, left, and alone. My fears make me weak. The church teaches us that our weakness can become our strengths. So I am going on a self tour. Going about fixing those things in me is what I need to. That through the help of therapy, medication, and God they can be mended. I am going to mead those broken things. Making things in me that are weak in me stronger. I don't know if the mistakes I have made can in time repair what I have broken or not. I pray that I can be forgiven. To that friend know that through you I was humbled into seeing that I am broken and need to be healed and be fixed.

I do not know what God has planned for me and my life. I do know that I need to trust in him. Letting God be the guide my life rather than me trying so hard to take control of it all the time. Fear is a very powerful emotion and only God and facing those fears can make them go away. Love is a risk. Time can heal all wounds. Trust must be earned. Faith is about learning to let go and just trust.

So I am on to new adventures. I am going to change some of the bad things about myself so that in the end I am a better me. To prove to my friends that I am someone worthy to have in your life. So that I stop doing stupid things that tend to ruin things that matter to the most to me. For those I have hurt by my actions I am sorry. I did not mean to be so selfish and self centered