Wondering where my journey will take me in the next year.

So over the last week I have been thinking about starting my practicum this next semester.  I wonder am I really ready to start doing true therapy?  Is this really what I want to do ( I know kind of late to be thinking that).  How can I ready myself for all that I need to learn to do well in this new adventure and career.  How am I going to balance this all and have time for everything in my life?  Then I sit back and think God opened this door for me and I would be a nut not to continue down this path that he is guiding me on.  He has helped (along with many others) me to get this far.  He can see me through the rest of my life to the good, the bad, and the ugly.  Over the last 3 years since losing Dayna I have grown so much.  I am becoming better at listen to that still small voice. I am being prepared to help many other people in life and to become a tool for the Savior to use.  I know that the church is true with all of my heart I know.  I know that my choices aren't what others would make but for me they are right.  My son knows he is the world to me.  That he is able to mend my broken heart when I miss is daddy so much and the pain is just to strong all I have to do is hold him and it just melts away.

Today my friend laughed at me when I said you know I think I am done having kids.  I just don't think that I will be given the chance to have another one.  She laughed and said you'll get married once more, your young.  Then she said and you still fertile and have plenty of time to have a another one or two.  That makes me think. What does my future hold?  Where will God take me on this journey?  There is a huge piece of me that feels ready to find another.  Then there are times when I still feel so connected to Dayna that I am not sure I can.   This thought has lead me to think that for me I could only really find another in a widower. Someone who understands and has been through this too.  Even though each of our journeys is different there is something in know that they know just how it feels for you at times and you don't have to explain it cause they just get it.

So maybe one day another wonderful man will come into our lives and we will be blessed to share our time together on this earth.  Someone who can love my son and me.  Who is willing to share their lives with us.  I know Dayna wants me to be happy. That he would be happy for me if I found another great man to marry in this life.  Yet, he only wants the best for us.  He doesn't want me to settle in anyway.  I think in many ways some of the men I have dated lately I was settling for.  Loneliness is a hard thing to deal with when you know there is more.  When you shared your life with another and were so happy.  To know what true joy is like.  To have gotten to taste it and now miss it.  I want that once more.  I know it will different if I marry once more.  That, that love will in its own way be special and different.  That I will be able to love him fully but it will be different.  I also know that God directed me to the right man once. He will direct me to another if that is what he has planned for me.  For now I am just going on the journey. Learning to enjoy the moments.  Finding joy in life and learning how to become better and be worthy to return home with Dayna.  I am excited to see where God takes me over the next year.  Hugs to you all.