Today I had a very interesting therapy session. I went in VERY angry about what I felt I had been cheated in my life. Not getting out of life what I felt I should have. So I was very angry about this. There has been quite a few time that this anger has presented itself in my life.
Well, today I was asking the lovely WHY question. You know the one that only leaves you in circles, more confusion and anger than you started with, along with some self pity for your wounds. Let me tell you those moments are not ones to be the most proud of but I believe they happen to everyone from time to time.
Well, now onto what I LEARNED from this situation. I learned that maybe just maybe it is time to ask the Lord for what I SHOULD do and how I should go about doing what he wants instead of expecting him to bless me with what I want but without going about it the way he would have me. You see after being hurt I have turned to trying to have control. To tell The Lord what to do and how to do it instead of asking him for his help and LISTENING to the answers and direction he is trying or wants to give me. I have been pig headed as my father would put it. Figuring that I have been through enough crap that I therefor deserve to have my hearts desire without any thought to what the Lord has in store for me or how to go about it. Expecting the Lord to do his part without me doing mine doesn't feel right to me now that I have had time to think about it.
So what shall I do with this new knowledge you ask? I am going to focus my prayers on asking for what I think I need to be asking for and then try very hard to listen and follow the answers that I am being given. Some of you will read this and think,"that will be easy." To that I say do not be so fast to judge the situation. If it were that easy for me I would have already done it by now.
Well, today I was asking the lovely WHY question. You know the one that only leaves you in circles, more confusion and anger than you started with, along with some self pity for your wounds. Let me tell you those moments are not ones to be the most proud of but I believe they happen to everyone from time to time.
Well, now onto what I LEARNED from this situation. I learned that maybe just maybe it is time to ask the Lord for what I SHOULD do and how I should go about doing what he wants instead of expecting him to bless me with what I want but without going about it the way he would have me. You see after being hurt I have turned to trying to have control. To tell The Lord what to do and how to do it instead of asking him for his help and LISTENING to the answers and direction he is trying or wants to give me. I have been pig headed as my father would put it. Figuring that I have been through enough crap that I therefor deserve to have my hearts desire without any thought to what the Lord has in store for me or how to go about it. Expecting the Lord to do his part without me doing mine doesn't feel right to me now that I have had time to think about it.
So what shall I do with this new knowledge you ask? I am going to focus my prayers on asking for what I think I need to be asking for and then try very hard to listen and follow the answers that I am being given. Some of you will read this and think,"that will be easy." To that I say do not be so fast to judge the situation. If it were that easy for me I would have already done it by now.
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