Were all Normal trust me

So I this morning I was sitting at work.  Reading emails, looking at facebook, and just sitting here, when all of the sudden GRIEF hits me HARD.  It was out of no where.  There was no reason for it like, a photo, memory, or something like that.  It was just there and it just HURT.  I just sat here at my window trying so hard to not cry.  I just sat here hurting, hurting really bad cause I miss him.  I miss my life with him.  I miss what I thought we would have by now in our lives but the biggest reason is I JUST MISS DAYNA.  Right now even after 4 years it still hurts like it was yesterday.  My heart literally hurts in my chest.  Times like this have no warning, so you can prepare for them.  They are sudden without reason and they just HURT.  In an hour or two it wont hurt so badly like it does right now.

Anyone who has lost someone know what I talking about. Anyone who has gone through grief knows what is like.  If your new to this whole grief process, let me tell you, you are normal, what your going thorugh is normal.  That there is not time limit on your griefing process.  There isn't a time when you have to stop grieving or as some say "that you should be over it".  Grief is a sign of love.  It means someone you once cared about is gone from your life in whatever form that they left it.  That you miss them and are allowed to miss them.  That you can expect the unexpected to happen at times when your not prepared for it to be there.  I hope you can find comfort in knowing that you are not alone.  That others are going through this battle right along with you.  Yes, I call it a battle because of how much it hurts and what it takes out of you to come out of it each time.  It is a battle to not let it take you over and for you to come back from it. Also know that you truly are NEVER alone. Jesus is there he knows and feels your pain right along with you.  He will send his comforter to you if you but ask for it.  Angels are there and ready to minister to you during your time of need.  NEVER FORGET THIS. My you have comfort in knowing you are Normal and not ALONE.

changes along the way to better me :D

I PROMISE I will blog about St. George this weekend.  So I have been doing therapy and I really, really love it.  The promise is my focus hasn't been the best always in session.  I have been a bit distracted or at least easily distracted.  So I have decide to go on a ADD medication small dose and see if that will help me out.  Hey it might even help me lose my want to eat all the time too.  I just need to full be there for my clients and I feel like I have been having a hard time wtih that 100% in sessions back to back to back to back...... You get the point. 

Theother thing is that I have been a bit um grumpy well not grumpy but umm...short fused by the end of the day.  I don't really feel really depressed but it am very short fused throughtout the day.  So now I am going to go back on a medication for that and see how that works to help.  Like I said its not the I want to stay in bed, I don't do anything, I am sad, or that part of depression its just SHORT FUSED.  So I being a fan of medication when it is needed (and I believe it is needed for me) for me to be the very best at who I am and will be in life and going to start back up on that too.

So that is what is happening to me in my life right now.  Life is good, busy, and I am very happy with how things are playing out in my life.  I know that I will be able to find a job very fast once I am done with school and that it might mean that I move or I might stay right where I am for a while too.

what am I doing????

So there is the friend of mine that I have known almost for 4 years now.  I said I was going to say goodbye cause "he's just not into me."  Well I broke down and was chatting with him last night.  Then we got into things and then........ He asked me to please give him time to figure out what just happened between us.  So me doing what I do best I said.  I can be patient and give you time to think.  I didn't even put a cap on the time that he had to work things out in his head.  WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING.  I need to just walk away but I can't or at least I wont let myself.  What am I doing?  Or better yet why am I doing this?  I just need to wash that man right out of my hair.  I just wish I could but I made a promise and I will hold to it for now.  Sweet Dreams everyone. :D

Leap of faith

So this weekend I took a leap of faith.  I jumped the fence on a friendship/relationship to the other side.  I couldn't even tell him I was leaving I just sent an email saying I had to leave for a while.  I don't know if I will return in this persons life ever but for now I need distance.  It's hard cause he is one of my god friends, who knows everything about me.  Yet, the problem is when I was watching "he's just not that into you."  It made me see that he is just not that into me like I want out of someone I am with.  Everything in our friendship is on his terms.  I can't do this, I need to just walk.  The sad thing is as I wrote the email I the whole time I was just hoping he would make an effort to show me I really mattered.  As my widower friend and I have decided this dating thing SUCKS!!!! 

I had a wonderful time with the sister missionaries tonight.  It was just wonderful to visit with them and to have them in our home today.  It was just wonderful and we had a wonderful time.  It was so an amazing night or just chatting.  It was all nice and they were the best. :D  God does bless us in amazing ways that we don't even know all of them. I love raising Dallin and he is getting so big.  Each day he gets older and older away from the baby he once was.  I little man is growing up. 

I don't know what life is going to bring me in the next 8/9 months.  All I know is that I am going in the direction that I should be.  I just wish I could get a small glimpse as to what is to come of my life.  where I am going, what I am doing, who I am with, where I am working,  anything really. I mean come on can't I get a little view?   All good, I am blessed and watched over.  This whole journey I am on right now is a leap of faith.  I just keep moving forward to end up where God wants me.  At times I just want to run around and around until I pass out.  It is hard to know just what I am doing and where else God me to do and learn but I will do it.  I will continue to take that leap of faith.  I will keep going until the end of time.  We will see where I go and what I  will do will and what I will become.  Life is just a nice big LEAP OF FAITH.