To the best Father.

Dayna is the best father that I could of ever asked for in our life.  He was 100% plus apart of Dallin's and my life.  He worked hard, and cared even harder for us.  He took such good care of us.  I miss him so so  much.  I wish more than anything that Dayna was here to help me raise our son.  That with his help I know that I could be an even better parent than I am.  He was my equal in every way.  Each day I think of him and miss him so much.  The tears in my eyes form because I want him to be here with us. I know he is being the best father from heaven.  He keeps me going forward.  He guides, and directs me from heaven.  My son reminds me of him each time I look at him.  I know that is part of my I love my son so much.  That the love I have for Dallin is stronger than it would of been because of Dayna.  This father's day I am grateful for the 4 years I got with Dayna.  I can't wait to spend my forever with him.  As strange as it is I can't wait for the second coming.  I know that when I die Dayna will be there waiting to welcome me home with the love that I know we share.

Somethin to say about something learned.

So everyone who reads this knows I am a young widow.  That off and on throughout my 4 years I have thoughts about getting married, falling in love once more, and living the rest of my earthly life in haven until I can be with Dayna once more.  Well see the problem is that I am so lonely, and wanting more out of my life for the next 50+ years that I can get lost in words without actions.  Now if your my friend Steven you will be telling me man your jumping the gun here give the boy sometime.  True I could be jumping the gun, yet I don't believe I truly am.  Now the situation that I am in is mostly my fault.  I let my guard down.  My want to be wanted and loved, once more far out played my smarts in my head.  There is this boy and I really am interested in him.  When talking with him he seems to have many of the things I am looking for.  Strong in the church, mission, married in the temple, hold current recommend, widowed, wants more children, and feels it time to start dating once more.

So we chatted online, he asked for a photo, I sent him one (oh ya we met through lds mingle).  He told me "OMG your cute!".  I laughed said thank you and went on with the conversation.  He asked if I had skype, I said no but could learn it if he would be patient while I learned.  So after the first chat I went on and added a Skype account, I e-mailed it to him and he e-mailed back.  He said "I got in late can we do it tomorrow."  Well tomorrow would not work for me cause I had things to do.  Two days later he added me to Skype but still nothing.  Then Monday I got an e-mail asking me to set up a Skype time to chat.  So we worked out a time and that night chatted.  We talked away.  Through out the conversation he told me how cute I was, how attracted he was to me, and how interested he was in me.  So then we e-mailed and I told him I was thinking about him, he told me he was had been thinking about me all day long.  Now in the course of this he told me we would go out when he got back in town next.  That was to be Wednesday.  Well then nothing.  NO call, no follow through, no anything.  Ya I tried to make him seem nice and said he contacted me and would make it up to me.  Yet, in truth nothing, he hasn't contacted me since Tuesday.  The dumb thing is that I learned I wanted to believe him, I wanted him to truly be interested in me and it not be just a line of crap.  Now true he is a US air Marshal and busy but you would think if he truly was interested he would answer my e-mail, text, or call something.  Yet, nothing not a thing from him.  So I am giving up.  I say it was just a line to see how fair I would take it and to help him not feel lonely those few nights.  Could I be wrong?  Sure but do I think that I am?  NO.  So I am giving up Steven once more and just going to focus on getting a job WHERE EVER I can get one, no matter the state (well within reason).  So now you know my mistake.  I wanted to be wanted so much that I believe a line of crap.  That it was just about some lonely guy who needed attention those days and I gave it.  I doubted him many times through out our conversations but he said he really was and it didn't make sense why I didn't believe him.  Well I think he just was lonely and needed  some attention from a girl and I fit the bill.  Anyways lesson learned and goodnight.

What I have learned in the last 4 years....

I was promised in a blessing when he died that I would know the reason for it. After 4 years I think I got that figured out. I have finished my ungrad, walking Sat for my master's as a Marriage and Family Therapist. I would of NEVER walked this path had I not lost him. I miss him tons and hate being a single mother (one 5 year old boy who REALLY wants a brother and a sister). Yet, I know this is what God ALWAYS wanted for me even my PB talks about it, I just couldn't see it until I lost my world. My life experiences make me a good therapist. I am connect with many people because of my life experiences. I choose to see the good not the bad. I try hate to stay positive cause negative just leads to depression. I can truly say losing my husband was my greatest struggle, test of faith, but has been my TRUEST blessing. I KNOW God is as really as you and I. I didn't know that before he left me. I KNOW he watches over me and blesses me. That he has a very speacil relationship with widows that is different than all others. I KNOW I can do anything I put my mind to with his help. I KNOW that even though Dayna died after just 4 years together it will all be made up to me on the other side. I KNOW that every struggle I go through can bring me blessings if I try to see them in the mist of my HELL so to speak. Lastly I KNOW that even though Dayna died that his job as a husband, and father have not ended, that even from the other side he is completely these jobs. Just in a different way then he could do here on earth.

http://youtu.be/I35_B_5htnI