Just need to mumble....

Life sometimes just has hard times.  You don't know that it is going to happen.  Then there are other times when you know that its coming.  That the pain is going to hit you and it going to knock you down.  I think that after 4 years that, that hurt won't be this bad.  That in someway just cause it's not as often it should be less painful. Only those who have lost someone that they love with all their soul can understand my pain.  Only those who are know my pain can understand it.  Only they can <3 me when I say I HATE this time of year.  Now don't get me wrong at the same time I LOVE this time.  Cause with it I get to make memories with my son (without the dad who should be there).  I get to show him what the true meaning of Christmas is all about (without the dad who should get to be there).  I get to see the joy that the Christmas tree, the presents, the giving, the receiving, and all the holidays bring my son (without Dayna).  You get my point.  So right now I miss him, and it makes my soul hurt.  That pain might be less often (not every moment of the day) but its still just as painful.  I miss having him around for the Holidays. I miss his jokes, stories, that spot on his face where his hairs just make a cute mark, and all about him.  This is just how I am feeling right now and what I am missing this holiday season.