Struggles??? :(

So this last week has been hard for me in so many different ways.  First I have a horrible habit of being pushy.  Well to say it better when I feel like someone is walking out of my life I open the door and assist them out of it.  I don't mean to be mean, pushy, or hurtful but yet I do.  Why?  Cause usually then the person will leave my life and not look back.  In my head I am thinking its better to lose them now rather then later.  So if I feel like they are going to leave why not help them do it?  This is bad and this behavior has been damaging to others.  Over the last few days I did this when I shouldn't of.  I expected, to just leave and never look back.  So I was trying to help the person do what I thought they were going to do anyways.  Leave my life, just like Dayna did.  Yet, with Dayna there was nothing I could do to stop it.  So now in life I try to have some control in people leaving my life by helping them to do it on my terms.  This person surprised me by not really letting me do it, well at least they are still trying to be my friend and didn't let me push them out of my life.  Hmmm maybe I need to stop taking my fear from losing people from losing Dayna, out on others.  Also I think  I should stop having to have control of everything. For some reason I think if I control things then I control the hurt that will happen to me.  HELLO it doesn't stop it and sometimes hurts worse.  Also doing therapy these last few weeks have been hard.  I am tired, confused, being tested, and struggling to find myself as a therapist.  This giving advice thing came easy to me but now I am having to learn to just listen.  To ask questions that bring me to listen more.  This is such a struggle to me because I am used to being in control, doing most of the talking, and giving advice.  I have found out that people hold the answers in them,  I just need to help them process them out of themselves.  Last week I felt like a failed as a therapist because of some feedback my client gave me.  It was good feedback for me to hear and I am very grateful that I heard it.  It was just hard to take when I sat back and thought about it.  Sometimes learning and growing is just what we need but we don't want to do it.  Growth is hard work.  Last thing I want to share is that I feel God expects more from me, than I am currently doing/giving.  I also feel not good enough as a parent.  I wish I had more time for Dallin right now.  These last 6 weeks have been so hard for me being away from him so much.  He goes to bed so early that I get so little time with him.  I know he needs it because at night he has been waking up searching for me.  In the morning I find him on the floor by my bed.  When I ask him why he was on the floor he says "I was looking for you momma".  Its often and something that is new for him and me.  I know he needs more time with me but how do I find it in something I don't have?  I guess I am just struggling in many ways right now.  Guess that means some big growth is going to happen to me if I will let it.