up, down, left, right ??????

Everyone seems to think they know me.  Yet, when they say this and then explain I think. "No that is not what I think or really feel."  I guess right now my actions are speaking pretty loud and they aren't following in line with who I am or at least who I am.  I guess this goes in session with who I am right now.  I am someone who is learning each day more about me and who I want to be.  I am growing and becoming who I should be.  I know its a never ending lesson that I am having to learn.

Right now I am wondering if the site I am at for my practicum is the right site for me?  I just don't feel that I fit in like I want to in therapy.  Its not working with families like I want to do and feel I am best at.  It's so hard because I don't know if I am growing the way that I want to grow.  I feel that I need to be doing something else and more.  I don't know its just not feeling right with me.   The only time I feel really at home is when I am in my family sessions.  Yet, those are just ending now cause my client took off and is no longer my client now.  So now I am really worried about how I am going to get all the hours that I need.  I guess I am going to have to look some more and get a few more options.

I am being blessed in my life and I know that Lord is watching over me and my son.  I have been praying so hard and right now some of those prayers are being answered.  Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve the blessing that I receive but I am so grateful and blessed to have them.

My First 6K

Today I ran my first 6k.  It was amazing and I loved it.  I also enjoyed sharing it with my son and having him cheer me forward.  I also now believe I am a real runner because I was upset at myself each time I walked and that I wasn't in my top performance ability with my cold.  Maybe I should of thought about staying home but that just wasn't a thought cause I said I was going to do it and I did it.  I also and very glad I did not come in last. Here are a few photos of my adventure.

Here is Dallin all ready to sit back and enjoy the race in the stroller while momma ran the race.  He didn't want me to take  his photo but I did anyways. :p

Here we are in the line waiting for the race to begin.  We had to wait for 15 mins over the start time because they said they lost some runner?  Hmm wonder where they went and who found them.

I had to stop at one point to let Dallin out because he decided he wanted to run with me also.  He ran a half mile with me before he said he wanted back in so he could have a nap. :)

 I only took one photo of the gardens waterfall during my race but it was so pretty that I just had to take the photo.  The gardens were just so pretty and I loved running through them.  

Over all this was a wonderful experience and I am so glad that I did this and can't wait for my BIG race in Jan.  Just finishing this is something I am proud of.  I am also glad that I did it even though I was sick with a cold during it.  I will have to run another one next month too :D

Struggles??? :(

So this last week has been hard for me in so many different ways.  First I have a horrible habit of being pushy.  Well to say it better when I feel like someone is walking out of my life I open the door and assist them out of it.  I don't mean to be mean, pushy, or hurtful but yet I do.  Why?  Cause usually then the person will leave my life and not look back.  In my head I am thinking its better to lose them now rather then later.  So if I feel like they are going to leave why not help them do it?  This is bad and this behavior has been damaging to others.  Over the last few days I did this when I shouldn't of.  I expected, to just leave and never look back.  So I was trying to help the person do what I thought they were going to do anyways.  Leave my life, just like Dayna did.  Yet, with Dayna there was nothing I could do to stop it.  So now in life I try to have some control in people leaving my life by helping them to do it on my terms.  This person surprised me by not really letting me do it, well at least they are still trying to be my friend and didn't let me push them out of my life.  Hmmm maybe I need to stop taking my fear from losing people from losing Dayna, out on others.  Also I think  I should stop having to have control of everything. For some reason I think if I control things then I control the hurt that will happen to me.  HELLO it doesn't stop it and sometimes hurts worse.  Also doing therapy these last few weeks have been hard.  I am tired, confused, being tested, and struggling to find myself as a therapist.  This giving advice thing came easy to me but now I am having to learn to just listen.  To ask questions that bring me to listen more.  This is such a struggle to me because I am used to being in control, doing most of the talking, and giving advice.  I have found out that people hold the answers in them,  I just need to help them process them out of themselves.  Last week I felt like a failed as a therapist because of some feedback my client gave me.  It was good feedback for me to hear and I am very grateful that I heard it.  It was just hard to take when I sat back and thought about it.  Sometimes learning and growing is just what we need but we don't want to do it.  Growth is hard work.  Last thing I want to share is that I feel God expects more from me, than I am currently doing/giving.  I also feel not good enough as a parent.  I wish I had more time for Dallin right now.  These last 6 weeks have been so hard for me being away from him so much.  He goes to bed so early that I get so little time with him.  I know he needs it because at night he has been waking up searching for me.  In the morning I find him on the floor by my bed.  When I ask him why he was on the floor he says "I was looking for you momma".  Its often and something that is new for him and me.  I know he needs more time with me but how do I find it in something I don't have?  I guess I am just struggling in many ways right now.  Guess that means some big growth is going to happen to me if I will let it.

Bike Ride with Dallin

So today Dallin was asking for me to take him on a bike ride.  He didn't mean one where he rode his bike but where I rode mine while pulling him behind me.  All I can say is that I need to do it more often and that is a wonderful workout.

Supermom here to save the garbage disposal :P

So last night I went to turn on my garbage disposal after doing dishes to find it only hummed and would not turn on.  So I went to google (yes, I used Google a few times on this adventure) and searched how to fix a garbage disposal.  Found a good video that said if its humming then its clogged and how to unclogged it with alan's wrench.  Bad news my was so old there was no hole for a alan's wrench.  So I took it all part.  I don't have any before picture sure wish I did so you could see the piping mess that was down there.  Cleaned it out made sure everything turned went to Lowes to replace the pipe that broke when I took it apart (it was cracked really bad and then the lip just fell off). So came home put it together once more and turned it on and reset it and still wouldn't work.  So call my parents they said just go get anew one (thanks for the help and advice dad).  Made another trip to Lowes to get the new one and more piping.  As I was walking out of Lowes I threw the old one away.  Went home and found out I needed to go back because I needed plummers clay. So had to run back to Lowes.  Got back home and started putting things together to find out OPPS I should of not of thrown the old one out at Lowes. Why?  Because I need the wiring out of it to put in the new one. So another trip to Lowes to get the old one back from the trash.  By the way was empty so I had to go hunt it down in the store.  Then came home put it back together and forgot to check for leaks good.  So at this point it was 12 in the morning and I was soooo tired.  So when I woke up this morning I walked into the kitchen and there was water everywhere because my neighbor was using her dishwasher.  It sucks that part of my plumbing is connected to other people's.  So I had to start cleaning up the mess and make one last trip ( I was praying hard it was my last trip) to Lowes.  This time I took photos of what it looked like and what said what I needed.  I got a small lessen in connecting piping, bought my piping, and came home.  I really only needed on straight tubing, on piece that had a female part of each end and was bendable in the middle.  I put it all together and turned on the NEW garbage disposal to find out.  YES I DID IT.  No leaking, and the new one works wonderful.   The sad new is that I have to make another trip back to Lowes to return all the piping I bought that I ended up not needing.

Here is the picture I took to Lowes to show what it looked like and what I thought I needed ( I was mostly right on I just didn't know they had pieces with bendable middle parts) so I was impressed that I some what knew what I was looking for.

Here is the photo of the finish and fully working new garbage disposal and piping under my sink.  This project stressed me out and made me really grumpy but I am very proud of myself that I did and mostly all by myself.