Selfishness

Sometimes I think back on myself and see how selfish I am as a person.So often I get in those moments when its all about me and I forget everyone else that is out there. My mom often reminds me that when I am down and out that is when I need to go and serve others. That we each have gifts and when we hide those gift we not only miss out but we limit others of being blessed by those gifts also. Lately I have been watching in my life and those in my life and how they deal with struggles and trials. For me I almost always turn to the Lord and seek guidance. I know that my prayers are ALWAYS answered and that he is there for me.I see other struggle and struggle to have to do it alone and not allow others in or to help. Some people I think, think that their trial is all about them and by sharing with others only makes them weak. I at times laugh at that thought because I think it shows strength to show that you can be weak. Yet, I often find myself in this boat that I am judging. I need to work on letting others in and to help me in need.

I am always learning what a great blessing teaching my son to say please and thank-you are. How important those words are to say and to mean. So many times people take others kindness that they offer them and never give it a second thought. Some have the attitude that they deserve it or its owed to them. This just shocks me cause when anyone gives to another they are sacrificing from what they have (even if what they have is a lot) they don't have to give it or serve you. They are making a choice to help you. It's a gift and you should be grateful that it was given to you. That another person cares enough or has enough moral character to give of themselves. There should never be a sense of you owe me this or I don't have to return the favor or pay back the service in some way.

My parents have done a lot for me out of the kindness of their hearts. At times I have not be as grateful for it as I should of been. That I have not given back as soon as I should of or that I have taken and not understood where it all comes from. I feel guilty about this. I have never meant to take and not say thank you.Yet at times I have done just that. I also have not shared with others like I should of. Holding what I have to give in hiding and protecting it from nothing really. Oh how selfish I have been.

So today gift is a gift to my son. To teach him to give and not expect anything in return. To teach him to say thank-you and mean it. To also teach him the spirit of giving and receiving. That all parts of giving and receiving can be a treasure for him and you to experience throughout your life.

So I am going to do new things in my life.  Things that I have never done before.  First is I started the www.c25k.com today.  This means in 9/10 weeks I am going to run a 5K.  I have never done one before but this is what life is about.  Becoming a better me and learning to do something that is out of my comfort zone.  Lately it seems that God wants me to become a better men.  The current trials in my life are things that are making me stronger.  They are  things that only can improve me and make me a better person in the end.  I am being reminded what it is like to love with all my heart.  Sometimes I hate that I care so much for people.  People tell me it is a gift to be able to see people as the best they can be.  I don't know maybe this is just how life is for me.  Always a struggle.


So today my blessing is my struggles.  Even though right now I DO NOT want them.  I am grateful for them.  My mom always tells me that if I just count my blessings that in time that is all I will be able to see.  That if I am glad for the struggles I am going through right now then in the end I will be able to see the good from them.  God knows what he is doing.  He can see what I can't.  If I but let him have control in my life then it will be alright no matter what happens.  I learned how real God is when I lost Dayna.  That knowledge has not changed.  Right now I just have to learn to trust him and let him have the control in my life.  I have to let go.