Christmas is slowing becoming one of those holidays I like once more. I can still remember my first one without Dayna. The panic attack that I had at m y parents house was horrible. I couldn't do it I just could do it without him. I finally got myself to calm down and about to wrap Dallin's presents but it was so hard to do it without him. I don't know if that memory will ever go away from me. Yet, as I get ready to do my third Christmas without him all I can do now is think about the good times and be blessed that I got him in my life for as long as I did.
This year having someone special to share the holidays with makes it a little more wonderful. I am praying that next year I will be part of a whole family unit and that Dallin and I won't be alone of the season. I am learning that I don't know all the curve balls that I am going to be thrown in life but the ones I am I am getting better at hitting out of the park. I started my master's program this year. Wow has this ever been so hard for me. I am not one to really like school. Matter of fact I hate it. Yet, I know that finishing this degree will bless my family in the long run. So I will continue to press forward. Also this year I have learned that its not what you are given but what you do with it that matters. There are many people in my life who need me. I am important to them and having them leave me this year has been hard. I wish they were still closer to me. I miss my friends dearly. Did you hear that Summer. I miss you, you too Cheryl.
Relationships, well that I am learning is hard too. I thought that things just fell into place like they did with Dayna. They don't! God doesn't seem to grant that same blessing to you twice. The second time if you really want it your going to have to work really hard at it. I am learning that I have to stop trying so hard. I have to not be hurt by what another does, what they are doing isn't always meant to hurt me. I am learning that sometimes people just need their time and space. In the end if it really is right that your to be together you will be. I now can see how special my relationship with Dayna was. How little I had to do and yet how very blessed I was in the outcome of it. Don't get me wrong we had hard times. They just were few and far between with us personally. Our trails were health issues mostly and what happens due to bad health.
This year has brought much change in who I am. I am learning to give more than to receive in my life. That some people need to know your story so they can know that they too can do it. I met a recent Widow from IF just last week. Her story broke my heart. Her kids are suffering such pain from the sudden loss of their father. Yet, here she was just getting them all together for the holidays in hopes of healing. In hopes of being able to make new happy memories. She touch my life and yet, I was the one she was thanking. I was the one that at that moment God sent to her to bless her. What a wonderful experience to be able to me the mouth piece for God for just a few mins.
My life is blessed. I might not have all the control I want in my life or be able to stop the pain of others from hurting. This years I have seen many people I love dearly hurt so much. I have also seen miracles in each of their lives. I know that God is real, that he watches over each of us and know us personally. He gives you no more than you can handle. Sometimes we think we can't do anymore than we have but I have been amazed at the abilities that people have and what they have been able to do that they didn't think they could.
My you all have a Merry Christmas. May this season bring you all that you have been wishing for. Please remember to share the holidays with those you love. Tell them you love them and just enjoy the moments with them. >:o)
