So today I am grateful for modesty and having a boy.  Its so much easier to keep a boy modest.  Today I went to Lava Hot Springs in Idaho.  All I could do was see bikni, after bikni.  The worst was that some women were wearing them with so much fat hanging out that it was just sick to look at.  Also I saw some young girls there with CTR rings on and with nothing covering them.  I just think do their parents not know what they are waering or just don't care?  Maybe I am just jealous cause I am not a size 4.  WHATEVER.

I am grateful my mother taught me to value my body and to dress modestly.  It is just so degrading to see young girl with just nothing covered up.  I really think that self respect starts with your views of yourself and what you show to others.  If I ever have a girl to raise you will be sure that modesty will begin with me.  I will show her the right way to respect her body and I will be aware of what she is putting on out in public.

Yet, I only have a little boy and he will be taught to dress modestly and to expect the women in his life to also.  I will teach him to look for a woman who repects her body and doesn't treat it like its a peice of meat to be sold in public.  He will also be taught to respect women, their bodies, and the way they dress.  It starts at home in what we teach our children.  They have a hard enough time in life why make it more confusing for them.

My focus got lost

So when I started this blog it was going to be this place that I could come and share my postive thoughts of the day.  It seems that is how it got started but here lately I haven't counted any of my blessings on here, much lately.  So I am going to try to do this once more. To stay positive and grateful about the things in my life.  So today I want to say that I am grateful for my parents.  My mother has a loving heart that truly only wants me to be happy. She worries about me so much and even though at times that is hard to take it, it all comes from love.  I know that she is a very strong person who I can learn from.  Her heart is always in the right place even when it doesn't work out the right way.

My father is so often the man I turn to, to settle me down.  To help me think things through and be able to process and listen better.  He just seems to get me and understand who I am.  He even allows me to be me and I never feel like I have to change for him to be pleased with me.  He is also a very wonderful grandfather to my son.  My son loves his pappa sooooooo much.  I don't know how I could of gotten through the loss of Dayna without my dad or either parent really.  He often has been my rock when I have needed something to stand on.

I am so blessed and loved by my heavenly parents also.  How blessed I am to know that God lives.  That I will be allowed to be with him once more.  To know that each trial and struggle I have are only for my good. If I only will allow myself to learn and grow from each of them.  So often I am weak and struggle.  I get lost in the sea of pain, loneliness, and my trials.  Yet, when I listen and obey so many great and wonderful blessing come into my life.  Thank you God for loving me enough that you allow me to have trails and struggles.  I only pray that in the end I prove myself worthy to be with you once more.

Night out at the Flash game :)

Today has been a day of thought and ponder.  I had the wonderful chance to talk with my bishop today.  He is such a amazing man who listens and gives wonderful advice.  His words of comfort always are just what I need to hear. I am blessed to have this wonderful man be my bishop.  My other thoughts are about trials, struggles, faith, endurance, and often just listening to the lord speak to me.  I don't have all the answers to the questions in my life but I know I can find them and that God is the one who gives them unto me.  Sometimes the answer is "not now little one but have faith all is well" and I am watching over you".  I am learning that for me I often want it right now and not have to wait. So what does the Lord do?  He gives me a chance in life where the thing I must do is be patient and wait on his time.  So many times its not that it won't be its just not to be right now.  God loves me and I know he blesses me.  I also know that sometimes you can make choices and you have to deal with the stress and consequences of those choices and that they sometimes make what you want harder to receive.

I have wonderful friends and family in my life.  Each person brings wonderful blessings into my life.  God has blessed me lately with having a friend from the past who currently is a blessing my life and through this friendship I am learning, growing, and being tested.  Yet, this persons friendship has brought me so much joy and peace in my life.  I have also been blessed with more friends and people in our lives because of one person.  Those close to me say they see such positive changes in me. They see me growing and developing into such a strong and better person.  So to this one friend I can never tell you thank you enough for being the person who brings out better things in who I am and helping me to become such a better and stronger person. Thank you, you might think you don't bring me happiness but in truth you bring more to my life than you can ever know.

All I have is gratitude to my Savior for blessing me, changeling me, and being my Savior.  He's love for me is so amazing.  His atonement is the greatest blessing he has ever given me.  I know that my Savior lives and loves me.  I do not doubt this one bit. I wish for all my friends is that they can have the strength they need to make it through their trials and to be able to know what I know to be true in my heart. Love you all.

Today

I have been thinking a lot lately. I keep thinking I know how things are going to turnout and that I can't be surprised by anything new. Yet I am still shocked a bit when life doesn't go the way I have envisioned it to be going. Each day brings new trials for me to work on. New ways for me to perfect my imperfections that I seem to have, so many of. I am grateful for the chance to improve who I am. I know that God loves me and when I learn to let go and let him take charge amazing things begin to happen. He has such a wonderful ability to do things that I just can't see happening any other way. He never leaves me alone and is always there when I turn to him to bless me and tell me "all is well just trust me". Its the trusting part that is hard for me so many times. I seem to believe that I know more than he does. Then he finds some way to humble me and I remember that only with him are all things possible.

This week has been a hard one. I have been a single mother for 3 years now. I lost Dayna 3 years ago this week. I miss him so often. Knowing he is watching over us all the time but still wishing he could be here in person. Yet, I have a new chance at love and I am excited to get that chance and see where it will go. Its been a while since I felt I mattered to someone. Since I have had someone worry about me and what I think. I know that Dayna is pleased with where my life is going right now. I know God is pleased with it also. He still tests me and give me great ways in which to learn and grow. I am grateful for these trials and who they are helping me to become. Thank you to all those who love me and are apart of Dallin's and my life. I can not thank you enough for all you do for us. Love you all :)

WOW

Jan is almost over. Only another week and half left and then on to Feb. Time sure does fly lately in our lives. It seems like just yesterday Dayna and I were home with a baby and now that baby is a 4 yr old little man. On the 5th of Feb I will have been without Dayna for 3 years. How can that be. Life has brought good times and bad times. Lately more good times. I am learning that life is always a struggle. There are always going to be hard times but its finding those moments of joy in the hard times that show you who you are.
This last few months have been so hard for me, so many of the people I care about most have been hurting. I have watched them struggle to find themselves in times of needs. I have watched as God has brought out their weakness and turned them into strengths. Watching those you love grow and become something better than they were is just amazing. Yet, I have to say its the hardest thing I have had to do lately is watch those I love hurt so much and there is nothing I can do for them but listen. I guess that is all there is at times for someone to do, is just be there. This process is also causing me to grow and change also. As my friend Lori would say "You are a fixer." I just want to go and fix everything for everyone. I am having to learn that I need to keep my mouth shut and my ears open more. Everyone has the ability to solve their own problems. So many times they don't need or even want my advice they just need some to vent to. This has been hard sometimes to do cause when the ones you love hurt you just want to stop that pain anyway you can. The thing is that sometimes their pain is just what they need and I just need to let them go through it and be there when they seek me out.
So my new years goal is to listen more. I have decided that is what God wishes for me to work on also since that is the current trials I seem to be suffering from right now. I know I can learn a lot about me during this process of growth.
To those friends in my life who are suffering. Know you are loved and watched over. That I, along with others are watching you and seeing the changes that are happening in your life. You are a stronger person. You have to ability to make it through these hard times. Also know that I love you. That I am proud of each of you and the wonderful things I see happening in your life. May God bless you and watch over.

Love,
me

2009 what a year :)

What a wonderful year 2009 has ended up being. Lets see what all happened this year. I have been a single mother for 3 years. Wow that just flew by. Dallin turned 4 and is so tall (75%). I finished my BS degree in Psychology with a minor in Deaf Studies. I did it I think that other than being a mother is one of the greatest things I have done in my life. Then this fall semester I started my Master's in Marriage and Family Therapy. I even passed my first semester. Good job me. I started to really date this year. It took me a while to find someone I wanted to keep around for awhile. Yet, it was nice to find a few men that seemed to want to be with me and Dallin but it took quite some time to find the right one. Now that I believe I have found him I couldn't be happier. Just the thought of him puts a smile on my face. It has also been wonderful to find someone that Dallin loves also. It been a emotionally hard year at the same time. I have had dear friends move away from me to areas that I know I will hardly ever get to. Also I have seen some of the people I love most hurt and go through such hard times in their own lives. It has been hard to watch other that I love hurt so much and know I just have to let go through their the hard times with only being able to be there and listen. I think one of the hardest things for me to do is to have to watch those I love suffer. Yet, in each experience I have been blessed by what I have gained in my friendships with them. I have watched God bless and refine my friends during their trials.
Another wonderful experience this year has been watching my little man grow up. He is now 4 and just growing and learning so much. He knows his planets, continents, animals in the rain forest, numbers, letters, and now is learning to spell and read. Someone please stop him from growing up so fast on me. He just loves to learn. He loves his momma. He is a challenge but worth it all. I am so blessed to have him and his love.
This next year will bring great things. I new start, continuation with my master's, a new place to live, and in the end I hope a new car (suv). Oh and I want something sparkly on my finger sooner than later. Each day is a new day with new things to learn and grow from. I am nervous and scared about the new things that will be coming into my life but also excited and just want them already. 2010 is shaping up to be a wonderful, eventful, and exciting year. Come back and check in often for updates. There should be many this year. YIPPY :)